Being Kind to Yourself -vs- Forcing Yourself

I can be a bit of a soft touch when it comes to my relationship with me.  Although in many ways I am very motivated and disciplined when it comes to getting stuff done, I do give myself a bit too much of an easy ride, and as of this week, that is changing! 

The last couple of weeks have been a bit ‘blah’ for no significant reason (other than perhaps fighting the cold that everyone seems to have at the moment and being a bit hormonal)  I’ve lacked my usual ‘get up and go’ and throughout this period I’ve been very aware of the self-talk that has accompanied me through this period of ‘blah-ness’

Do any of these sound familiar?

• I feel a bit tired, I’ll go to the gym when I’m feeling in the mood
• I’m stressed, I’ll just eat chocolate and watch TV all evening – I deserve it
• I have a lot on, I deserve to hit snooze and have another hour in bed

I've been guilty of telling myself all of the above and many more excuses along these lines.  I’ll be walking home from work after a long day thinking, “I have to go to the gym” but then a little voice will pipe up and say “Look after yourself George, you’ve got a lot on, just rest tonight.” It’s oh so easy to fall into this trap.  I like to tell myself I’m 'looking after myself' but am I?  There's been many times when I’ve so badly not wanted to go to my spin class.  I’d rather have done ANYTHING else, but when I’ve forced myself I’ve felt absolutely amazing afterwards and so proud I made myself do it.  The difficulty is that there is a very fine line between having a genuine reason to give yourself a break and making an excuse.
  

I recently watched a TED talk - 'How to stop screwing yourself over' by Mel Robbins and it made me realise that I give myself way too much of an easy ride at times.  Just think, if I did force myself to do certain things I could reach so much more of my potential. We can really desperately want something – for instance – to drop a couple of dress sizes, but that desire doesn’t always translate to the desire to really desperately want to spend hours a week in a sweaty gym.  So how do we keep our goal in sight and get what we want, when the steps we need to take in order to achieve our goal may, at times, not be so appealing?

The below tips have helped me in the past to stay focused and get off my bum and just DO IT and I’ll be keeping these things in mind next time I even come close to letting myself of the hook:

1. Visualise, visualise, visualise: And I don’t just mean visualise the end goal, for example fitting into that old pair of jeans, I mean visualise how great you’ll feel when you force yourself to do the thing you need to do in order to achieve your goal. Then remember that feeling for the next time you are tempted to make an excuse. 
2. Push through the comfort zone:  Trying new things and taking on new challenges can feel like a leap too far at times but the reward of pushing your way through your comfort zone and opening up a whole new realm of possibility is far greater than the temporary unease.
3. Make yourself accountable: Tell people your goal and how you’re going to achieve it - your partner, friend, work colleague, life coach.  It’s never a great feeling to tell someone you’ve failed at doing something you’d committed to doing.  Instead, think how brilliant you’ll feel to report back and say “I did it!"

Of course there are going to be times when we need to give ourselves a break but my resolution from now on is to recognise when I’m being a bit soft on myself and kick myself into shape. 

If I look back on all the countless times I’ve been ‘nice’ to myself and let myself off the hook, I wonder if I’d be further along in achieving my goals had I just forced myself to do it?  The answer to this is most definitely 'yes', so when it comes to my relationship with myself I’m going to enforce a bit of tough love in order to get what I want.  

The Power of the To-Do List

I don't know where I would be without my to-list and neither does Andy Murray it would seem.  For those of you who haven't read about it this week, a photographer got his hands on Andy Murray's to-do list which consisted of 10 motivational 'notes to self' for his game. This made me smile and made me happy that I have something in common with a sportsperson. That has never happened before and is perhaps the only time I will have something in common with a sportsperson.

I know you may be thinking this is a really boring topic for a blog post, but stay with me - I really feel that my weekly to-do list keeps me on the straight and narrow and helps me tick off each task I want, and need, to accomplish each week.  It's a great motivation and once you get into the swing of it, it becomes a little ritual for a Sunday night, and the ticking off part is the best bit.  I'm not afraid to admit that I sometimes realise I've done a task which I hadn't actually written on my list so I'll write it on my list so I can then tick it off.  I know this is extremely sad but it's so satisfying.  I know I'm not the only one who does this...!!

So what's on my to-do list? Well at the moment my spare time has to be planned very carefully and I have to make sure I'm not going off piste too often.  The to-do list itself is from Lollipop which was given to me by one of my best friends who is also an organisation-aholic.  I keep my list on the kitchen table, in sight, so I can tick off as I go along throughout the week. I divide my time into categories; my life-coaching (currently speaking to lots of volunteer clients each week), my wedding planning (currently planning my wedding), exercise (the bit I hate but just need to tick off what I manage to get round to doing so that I can give myself a pat on the back - if it wasn't on the list it wouldn't happen).  Then there's the 'other' category which is everything else - contacting friends, making social plans, buying cards and gifts for people, doing the shopping, cleaning, washing etc etc.

I know from past experience from the dark days (AKA the pre to-do list days) that all the things I needed to get done could so easily end up going onto my mental to-do list for the next day, and then for the next week, and then just never getting done. It's the 'I'll do it tomorrow' feeling that we're all familiar with. 

As I'm spending time each week with volunteer clients and researching plans for my eventual business I'm getting closer to my overall goal of running my own business.  My to-do list keeps me focused, allows me the chance to evaluate where I'm at each week and what steps I need to prioritise.

It's so easy to get overwhelmed with big tasks and this is certainly true of planning a wedding.  As an example, when I first got engaged I wasn't sleeping well as my mind was buzzing with ideas and the sheer massiveness of the task ahead and all the things we'd need to do to make the wedding happen.  After the initial hysteria (good hysteria I mean) eased I was able to sit down and, with the help of an Excel spread sheet, do my master to-do list.  I revert back to this every week or so and see where I'm at and what can go for the wedding to-do list for that week.  I find that if I have a big task in front of me, which has the potential to be overwhelming, the best approach is to break it down, prioritise and have a biro to hand at all times, to tick off as I go.

Boring or not, I wanted to do a little post on my trusty to-do list because it fits in really well with a philosophy I try to live my life by, which is that when we have a goal it's always good to break it down into little goals or steps and as we achieve each little step we are that bit closer to our overall end goal.  Andy Murray puts "be good to yourself" at the top of his to-do list and I'm with him on this one - be good to yourself and celebrate your daily accomplishments, no matter how small, because you so easily could have not bothered to do that task, but you did and that has got you a little closer to your goal.