How to create a 2016 to be proud of...

Cast your mind back to where you were at this time last year. What did you want to change? What did you want from 2015? Have you achieved this?

As we all know New Year's Resolutions are notoriously tough to stick to.  Maybe we need to try a new way of setting our goals and working out what we really want.

Try these 3 steps...

1) Visualise your year ahead and commit this to paper 

2) Really imagine the feelings you will experience as your vision becomes reality

3) Let these feelings drive you to take small steps to create your best year yet

Get creative 

Set aside some time, lock yourself away and dream up how your 2016 is going to look and put this vision on an A4 sheet of paper.  Draw it, doodle it, write it - do whatever feels most natural to you.  It just needs to display how your ideal year will look.

If you want to find love in 2016, write that this year you will find a partner.  If you want to expand your horizons and move abroad put that in your 2016 manifesto. Using a good old fashioned pen and paper rather than typing works better too as the process of writing takes longer so further in-beds your vision in your brain. Remember to dream big, but do be realistic.


Once you're done, put your A4 sheet of paper somewhere you'll be able to see it regularly and 'keep your eyes on the prize!'

A while back I read a book which really encouraged me to try this type of approach which I've been putting into practice ever since and not just at New Year.  I strongly recommend a read of Just Ask the Universe

Igniting the rocket fuel...

Ask yourself how will you feel when you make your vision a reality?

By carrying out the process above you are really imagining your dreams becoming a reality which will ignite all kinds of positive feelings and emotions which act as the rocket fuel you need to really make the necessary changes to reach your goals

Don't lay down the law by setting rigid resolutions - I must to do this, I must do that.  Instead really get a sense of how you want 2016 to be for you and set little goals each week using your vision as the driving force behind your goals.  Take baby steps, keep the vision in mind, really connect with why you're doing it and where you want to be.

It's so important that you have the will to create this reality so ask yourself how much you want this. This will be a good indication of how successful you'll be.

And the biggest motivation?  

...Imagining yourself when you sit down at the end of the year and assess how far you've come.  You may not have lived out your exact vision, or your vision may have changed along the way, but with a little imagination, belief and by regularly setting mini goals, you'll have made positive change in your life and the origin of that has come from what you truly want from your year rather than what you think your new years resolution *should* be.

Above all, have fun with it, you can literally write your future so get creative and ENJOY!

Are you successful?

Many of us measure our own success against what others are doing in their lives. You look at someone you grew up with who has a high powered job, earns a fortune, lives in a five bedroom house with the love of their life and two kids. You may compare their reality to your own and conclude that they are more successful than you. Is that really true though?

Comparing myself to others is something I have been guilty of, and probably something we all do from time to time.  Looking at others in my peer group who are seemingly more "successful" than me is only going to do one thing - make me feel fed up.  That person earns more money than me, has a bigger house, a better car, a fruitful career. This kind of mentality will not get me anywhere so, for some time now, whenever those kinds of thoughts enter my mind, I stop them in their tracks.

So if we are not measuring our own success against the success of others how do we measure it? How about measuring your success against your own success code?

Success for one person could look totally different to how success looks to someone else.  It's a case of working out how you define success and concocting a plan as to how you are going to achieve it.

What's important to you?

Sit down and make a list of all the things that are really important to you in life.  Be completely honest as this list is only for you (unless you'd like to share with someone else).  On this list could be anything - money, family, acceptance, health, fitness, charity, love, career, travel.

This list you've created will give you an indication of the kind of life you want to live and what's truly important to you.  You may spend every waking hour thinking and worrying about your job, but your job may not feature anywhere on your list.  What does that tell you?  Maybe too much time and focus is going into something that's not important to you.  This exercise can be quite telling and may help you to re-evaluate what is actually significant to your life, and what's not.

Your success code

Your list of what's important to you shapes your own personal success code.  Study your list and start making a new list (I love lists!)  This time you are writing down the things which create your success code.  You are answering the question - What does success look like to me?  On this list could be things like - owning my own home, having a family, having a career that helps others, bringing up your children to be good people, seeing the world. Your success code is personal to you and it's for that reason that you can't compare your success to others.

Measure success against your personal goals and live by your own success code.  

What next? 

So you've worked out what's important to you and how success looks to you, what's next?  Take your lists and really work out how you are going to be successful.  By that, I mean how you are going to live a life that aligns with what's important to you. Consider your long term goals - imagine yourself living a successful life in five years from now.  How will you get there?  Break it down into smaller, short term goals.  If one of your goals is to find love, take action. Start a new hobby to meet new people or sign up to online dating. Before you strive to become a successful person you need to start with the basics and work out what success means to you. You may climb the career ladder in your chosen career gaining authority, wealth and admiration from others along the way, but if this doesn't match what's actually important to you, how can this be defined as success?  

Am I successful?

I have taken the steps above and so have a clear sense of what success means to me. For the first time, all areas of my life are aligned with my list of what's important to me, and this is not by accident. I sat down to make this list a couple of years ago, and since then I've been making small changes, and taking action to make sure my reality is in line with what's important to me.  In this sense I'm successful, but success is a continuous journey and there are more goals on my (many) lists which I am working towards.  Putting focus and energy into my own success and happiness stops me comparing myself to others which can only be a positive thing.  I aim for a successful week, a successful month, a successful year and I measure this success against my ever evolving lists of goals and hopefully, one day, I'll be able to conclude I've had a successful life.  

Figure out what's important to you, create your success code and live your life by this.  

Story of the control freak bride: When life throws you lemons...

It's been a while since my last post as I've been in the midst of wedding mania - I've had both my own wedding and my best friend's wedding so it's been a busy time to say the least but now "normal" life is resuming...

I don't think I can find a word to sum up the last couple of months - a whirlwind is probably the best description.  The last two months have undoubtedly contained some of the most amazing, special and happy moments of my life... do you see a BUT coming??!!... but I've also learnt a lot about myself and about life which I realise sounds very dramatic, but it's true.  It's been quite an eye opening time actually.

I am an organiser, both in personal and professional life, and organising is what I do and I what I love. Fellow organisers may relate to the fact that, with being organised, also comes the tendency to be a bit control freakish!  I've always recognised this in myself, along with being a bit of a perfectionist.  You can probably see where this is going... and you probably think I'm going to say I turned into a control freak and total Bridezilla over the colour scheme and all the little details of the wedding but not at all.  I *think* in that respect I was quite a chilled out bride.  I admit that I spent HOURS planning everything and making sure everything was as we (mainly me) wanted it but I didn't let it drive me mad as I could also see the bigger picture and that weddings are about way more than the little details. 

Without sounding like I'm blowing my own trumpet, over the years I've got used to putting in hard work, time and effort and usually getting the results I've aimed for.  My dad always says that if you work hard it will pay off and I am totally with him on that.  However, there are some things that are out of your control and not everything is going to be perfect all of the time, no matter how much positive thought and positive action have gone into them. It would seem that until recently I was a somewhat unaccepting of this fact of life.

I won't bore you with the details but we had a whole host of issues with our tipi company meaning the final days before the big day weren't as chilled and enjoyable as I'd envisaged, quite the opposite. Unfortunately the day itself wasn't without its misfortunes either.  My poor nan was taken ill in the house on wedding morning (with me getting ready upstairs none the wiser!) so she was unable to make the wedding. This also meant that other family members weren't there.  And then due to separate reasons, and again reasons outside of anyone's control, one of my beautiful bridesmaids had to leave the wedding after the ceremony.  My poor sister had to break both pieces of news to me - I didn't envy her, no one wants to give a bride bad news on her wedding day, let alone two pieces of bad news! Whilst both pieces of news were very sad to receive, especially after being so ecstatically happy just moments before, the day did include moments that were truly amazing.  After the wedding it took me a while to digest everything and filter out the good moments from the not-so-good moments but I think I've cracked it now.

As lots of girls can no doubt relate to, a lot of day dreaming time goes into wedding planning and even before we meet 'the one', many girls have imagined their most perfect wedding day, so I suppose anything, even a tiny thing, that stops the day being as perfect as it should be feels like a shame.  I was relaying my wedding day dramas to some girl friends and one of them said something that has stuck in my head and given me the basis of this blog post - she said that accepting that things aren't always perfect and not always in my control is a good lesson for life and she's right. 

On the honeymoon and in the weeks after the wedding I've taken this fact of life on board and given it a fair bit of thought.  I've said before in this blog that we control our own happiness and I do still stand by this but the wedding day has also made me realise that sometimes life happens and things may throw you off the happiness bus and there is nothing you can do about it! I'm proud of myself though as, on the whole, I made sure I didn't let the sad things overtake everything else and made sure I soaked up all the other happy times.  In fact, I had to practically be dragged out the tipi and off the dance floor at the end of the night.

Going back to the statement which I do still stand by, we do make our own happiness and part of this is accepting that sometimes a few lemons are thrown our way.

I am choosing to remember and cherish the good times and the happy moments which really have been in abundance over the last few months.  I've been so lucky to find someone to spend my life with (and who'll put up with me) so that's something to be extremely grateful for every single day. All the other moments of fun and happiness we've enjoyed really are the icing on the cake.

So what has my wedding day experience taught me? It has taught me that as much as I naively thought I could, I simply can't control everything.  Life happens and that's just the way it goes.  And what's key to remember, and this is what I think I've done successfully, is not to focus on the not-so-great stuff, but to focus on the blooming marvellous stuff and that's what's important. So here's to cherishing the happy times, accepting the things which we can't control and when life decides to throw you some lemons...grab the salt and tequila!

Do What Makes Your Heart Sing

This will be my last blog post as a "single" woman as, this month, I get legally married and next month is the big day where we exchange vows and rings in front of our nearest and dearest at my family home in Essex... followed by one big party! Whilst I am obviously exceedingly excited about this, I'm also making sure I don't wish the days away. The weeks to come are going to be filled with so many special moments with those I love the most and I am going to treasure every single, teeny weeny second.

It's a time for reflection at the moment and I've been thinking about the things that really make me happy and at the top of the list has to be friends and family and I'm hugely lucky that the coming couple of months are going to be jam packed with fun times with these people (especially as one of my oldest and best friends gets married the month after me - double whammy!)  The preceding months have been filled with another favourite thing which is organisation and planning so it's been a pretty good year so far.  Having a whole year dedicated to doing so many things that I love has made me realise that it is so hugely important to fill our time doing the things that fill us with happiness.

A while back I came across this quote: "Do what makes your heart sing" and I think about this a lot.  We all have things that really do make our hearts sing.  For one person it could be baking (trust that to be the first thing to spring to mind) and for the next person it could be working out at the gym.  I'm sure you can think of at least one thing that, when you do it, you lose all sense of time and before you know it, hours have gone by. When this happens it's a good sign that you are doing something you love.  Many things have this effect on me.  A perfect example is one of my favourite things - chatting to the girls (how many times have we looked at the time and about three hours have passed and we're still sat in the same place chatting away?)

Life is increasingly busy for us all and there is always something else we *should* be doing whether it's answering an email, working late etc. but what about the things that make us really happy? So often these things end up at the bottom of the list.  The things we'll only do when we have finished all the other things.  Doing what makes your heart sing is, to me, a little holiday for yourself amidst the utter craziness of modern day life.

When we 'grow-up' it's all too easy to get overcome by responsibility and the daily grind and forget to schedule the most important things in life - the things that make your soul happy.  Isn't that what life is all about - having meaningful experiences and making sure we put our happiness and the happiness of our favourite people first? Sadly, we are increasingly reminded of how life is so short and so precious so if our hearts can sing just a few times a week (or even a day) then we are onto a winner.

Everyone talks about the post wedding blues and people have asked - what will you do once it's all over?! It's easy to get bogged down with the detail when it comes to planning a wedding and that's why I'm making sure that simultaneously to all the logistics and organisation I'm mentally gearing myself up for the next chapter as a married woman (holy moly!) I'm so excited to shift my focus to building upon my life with my husband-to-be and creating more happy memories and more goals for the future but above all, making sure my heart keeps singing!

Appreciation for friends, sisters... and solutions to complex beauty dilemmas!

I saw this notebook in a shop and it caught my eye for three reasons:

1. It's so true
2. It's what I harp on about all the time - that it's so important to be grateful
3. It summed up my week 

One day this week I had a stinker of a day.  I was working from home, manically busy and had a headache from hell.  I was not a happy bunny at all but then my day improved when I received post that evening; a card and adorable little gift from my lovely friend Lucy, all the way from Singapore.  It honestly made my day and as I read the really thoughtful words in the card all my stress (and even the headache) disappeared and I felt so grateful to have such a wonderful friend.  In fact, this moment of extreme gratitude and happiness started me on a spiral of recognising things I'm grateful for, even just little things and this truly brightened up the following day.

Lucy's card and gift marked a shift in my attitude.  I felt great after receiving it (especially in contrast to how I was feeling beforehand).  So much so in fact, that the next day, I paid attention to the little things I was grateful for and doing that made me feel pretty darn happy.  When you feel down, you pick up on all the things in life you are not happy about and when you feel happy, you pick up on the good stuff.  It's addictive.

Now this is very trivial (well not to me) but for some time now I've been fretting about my eyebrows... yes, my eyebrows.  In a nutshell, I'd had a nightmare eyebrow wax a few months back and am now trying to to get them back in a decent state for my wedding.  Anyway, I couldn't decide where to get them done, how many times before the wedding, what method of hair removal etc.. (I'm sorry if this is horrendously boring)  Anyway, I was being extremely indecidive but when I articulated all my very "serious" worries to my sister she made it oh so simple and solved all my problems.  So, after weeks of pondering eyebrow-gate I made up my mind and headed straight to make all my appointments in the lead up to the wedding and felt a million times better.

After that I couldn't stop thinking - what would I ACTUALLY do without my sister?! It is not just the eyebrow related wows she gets to hear about, it's EVERYTHING.  All day it kept popping into my head that I am so, so, so lucky to have my sister. It sounds silly for something so unimportant (in the grand scheme of things) but being made to feel so much better about something by someone else really is something to be thankful for.

Then I was off again and kept thinking of the other things I was grateful for and more good things started happening - just like a magnet, my positivity was attracting more good things. Emails came through that I had been waiting for, I negotiated a good deal on a drinks trailer for the wedding, I received great feedback from a Life Coaching client and many other things which I've actually now forgotten but at the time they made me happy.  When something good happens, I think just taking one little moment to be grateful and do a little internal celebration dance to yourself makes the world of difference to your attitude - and your attitude is something we have control over so why not embrace the freedom you have to make yourself feel happy?

So here's to friendship, sisterhood and taking a little moment to be grateful for the amazing things, the good things and even the everyday things we can easily take for granted... oh and finding a solution to eyebrow dilemmas!

Quarter Life Career Crisis?

I'm approaching the big 3-0 (well not until next year, but it's not far off) and I am no stranger to a quarter life career crisis, in fact I sometimes feel like the past eight years have been one big career crisis.  In saying that, I've always said that I don't think I'll do one thing for my whole life and why should I? We change so much as the years go on. I'm certainly very different to the person I was when I was frantically riffling through university prospectuses wondering what the heck I was going to study for my degree.

I've always envied people who know what they want from the age of 16 and have gone out and got it, climbing the ranks and ending up with a good, steady job that they enjoy, but it's not happened that way for me. I've always had a nagging feeling there is something else.  Most of my career to date has been in TV production which I have to say, on the whole, was great. It wasn't without it's struggles, as with any career, but I loved the buzz, the hard graft ethic it instilled in me and all the fun and friendships that came along with it too, but for many reasons, I always knew it wasn't forever.  

Before I knew it responsibilities and grown-up stuff crept up on me - a mortgage shortly followed by a marriage proposal and the realisation that I needed to do something about the little voice in my head telling me that there is something else out there for me.  Whatever I've done career wise I've always worked really hard but I think I became tired of putting in the hours for someone else and wanted all that energy to go into something I love.

I find that it's quite rare to speak to people who really do love their work and when you think of the number of hours you spend at work (a lot!) you're throwing a hell of a lot of your life down the toilet if you are not truly happy in what you do.  

In terms of my long term plans, they are very much still in the making but with regard to my mindset towards my career I feel I've come a long way, even if my actual progress is just a few baby steps towards my eventual goal of having my own business and having control over my time and the flexibility to live life how I want to live it.  

Everyone has their own list of what they want from their career and their life and if I could say one thing to anyone going through anything which may resemble a quarter life career crisis it would be to listen to yourself and if your chosen career isn't in line with what you want from life, change it. Changes don't have to be forever, I left TV and tried PR for a while which wasn't right, so went back to TV but who cares? Just because we are supposed to be 'growing up' at this age it doesn't mean we have to find the career that we are going to do until we retire.  I intend to try out lots of things, and for me that's what life is about.  There is so much out there and how exciting to have so many options and opportunities.

The starting point to tackling a quarter life career crisis, I think, is intention.  For example, the intention to have more free time, to earn more money, to get that promotion, to turn your hobby into your career, to love your work.  From there, your thoughts become focused on your intention and your goal, which in turn pushes you into action slowly but surely (if you want it badly enough).

I am a big fan of watching motivational talks on You Tube (seriously, I could spend hours listening to Oprah's words of wisdom!) If you find a good one, they can give you a real lift when you are feeling well and truly stuck, or even when you know what you want but just need a big fat injection of inspiration to go out there and get it.  If you have a spare 6 minutes have a watch of this one - Anthony Robbins: Find Your True Gift and Maximise Your Career

As well as being exciting and liberating, change of any kind is really hard, but then so is settling for something which, for whatever reason, doesn't quite cut the mustard.   

It's all in the smile

My friends and family would say I’m a fairly cheery person who, more often than not, has a smile on my face. Don’t get me wrong, there are of course times when I feel down right miserable and mustering a smile is a challenge too far, but for the majority of my waking hours I choose to be happy. 

But what comes first, the smile or the happiness?

Most of the time life makes me smile but I’m not grinning from ear to ear 24/7 (who is?!) so sometimes the smile has to come first, like on a recent miserable Monday morning...

I would have loved to indulge in my bad mood but wouldn't inflict this on my colleagues so arrived at work and unleashed a giant (admittedly forced) grin as I personally feel there is nothing worse than working with people who constantly moan and skulk about the office. With my smile, I literally felt my sour mood ease in seconds and my happiness levels soared. I know full well that if I'd not forced that first smile I would have spent one whole day of my life with, in the words of my dad, “a face like a smacked arse.”  Where's the fun in that?

And it's not just me who is a big fan of the smile. There really are proven benefits.

Smiling = feelings of happiness as proven by a psychologist whizz called Robert Zajonc in 1989. The subjects of his experiments were asked questions that pinpointed their emotional state before and after smiling, and they overwhelmingly scored happier after smiling.
Smiling makes you look good - 70% of us find women more attractive when they smile, than when they wear make-up according to a study by Orbit Complete. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t look a darn site better when they smile, as opposed to frowning or grimacing at every opportunity. Laughter lines trump frown lines any day!
A smile is contagious. Studies have shown that if someone flashes you a smile, responding with a frown is really quite hard. Smile and the world smiles with you. Corny, but oh so true.
A smile reduces stress - Even a forced smile can reduce your stress levels and make you feel happier as the act of smiling naturally releases endorphins (happy hormone) and lowers cortisol levels (stress hormone)

So if you’re not convinced by the above, try it yourself. Smile now, right now, and see if you feel any different. It really is very hard to smile and feel miserable at the same time. Check out this clip of Dr Michael Moseley proving this point with the people of Edinburgh who apparently are prone to being a bit glum -MakeYourself Happier Using Only A Pencil - BBC One

If you do nothing else today, SMILE! 

Being Kind to Yourself -vs- Forcing Yourself

I can be a bit of a soft touch when it comes to my relationship with me.  Although in many ways I am very motivated and disciplined when it comes to getting stuff done, I do give myself a bit too much of an easy ride, and as of this week, that is changing! 

The last couple of weeks have been a bit ‘blah’ for no significant reason (other than perhaps fighting the cold that everyone seems to have at the moment and being a bit hormonal)  I’ve lacked my usual ‘get up and go’ and throughout this period I’ve been very aware of the self-talk that has accompanied me through this period of ‘blah-ness’

Do any of these sound familiar?

• I feel a bit tired, I’ll go to the gym when I’m feeling in the mood
• I’m stressed, I’ll just eat chocolate and watch TV all evening – I deserve it
• I have a lot on, I deserve to hit snooze and have another hour in bed

I've been guilty of telling myself all of the above and many more excuses along these lines.  I’ll be walking home from work after a long day thinking, “I have to go to the gym” but then a little voice will pipe up and say “Look after yourself George, you’ve got a lot on, just rest tonight.” It’s oh so easy to fall into this trap.  I like to tell myself I’m 'looking after myself' but am I?  There's been many times when I’ve so badly not wanted to go to my spin class.  I’d rather have done ANYTHING else, but when I’ve forced myself I’ve felt absolutely amazing afterwards and so proud I made myself do it.  The difficulty is that there is a very fine line between having a genuine reason to give yourself a break and making an excuse.
  

I recently watched a TED talk - 'How to stop screwing yourself over' by Mel Robbins and it made me realise that I give myself way too much of an easy ride at times.  Just think, if I did force myself to do certain things I could reach so much more of my potential. We can really desperately want something – for instance – to drop a couple of dress sizes, but that desire doesn’t always translate to the desire to really desperately want to spend hours a week in a sweaty gym.  So how do we keep our goal in sight and get what we want, when the steps we need to take in order to achieve our goal may, at times, not be so appealing?

The below tips have helped me in the past to stay focused and get off my bum and just DO IT and I’ll be keeping these things in mind next time I even come close to letting myself of the hook:

1. Visualise, visualise, visualise: And I don’t just mean visualise the end goal, for example fitting into that old pair of jeans, I mean visualise how great you’ll feel when you force yourself to do the thing you need to do in order to achieve your goal. Then remember that feeling for the next time you are tempted to make an excuse. 
2. Push through the comfort zone:  Trying new things and taking on new challenges can feel like a leap too far at times but the reward of pushing your way through your comfort zone and opening up a whole new realm of possibility is far greater than the temporary unease.
3. Make yourself accountable: Tell people your goal and how you’re going to achieve it - your partner, friend, work colleague, life coach.  It’s never a great feeling to tell someone you’ve failed at doing something you’d committed to doing.  Instead, think how brilliant you’ll feel to report back and say “I did it!"

Of course there are going to be times when we need to give ourselves a break but my resolution from now on is to recognise when I’m being a bit soft on myself and kick myself into shape. 

If I look back on all the countless times I’ve been ‘nice’ to myself and let myself off the hook, I wonder if I’d be further along in achieving my goals had I just forced myself to do it?  The answer to this is most definitely 'yes', so when it comes to my relationship with myself I’m going to enforce a bit of tough love in order to get what I want.  

The Power of the To-Do List

I don't know where I would be without my to-list and neither does Andy Murray it would seem.  For those of you who haven't read about it this week, a photographer got his hands on Andy Murray's to-do list which consisted of 10 motivational 'notes to self' for his game. This made me smile and made me happy that I have something in common with a sportsperson. That has never happened before and is perhaps the only time I will have something in common with a sportsperson.

I know you may be thinking this is a really boring topic for a blog post, but stay with me - I really feel that my weekly to-do list keeps me on the straight and narrow and helps me tick off each task I want, and need, to accomplish each week.  It's a great motivation and once you get into the swing of it, it becomes a little ritual for a Sunday night, and the ticking off part is the best bit.  I'm not afraid to admit that I sometimes realise I've done a task which I hadn't actually written on my list so I'll write it on my list so I can then tick it off.  I know this is extremely sad but it's so satisfying.  I know I'm not the only one who does this...!!

So what's on my to-do list? Well at the moment my spare time has to be planned very carefully and I have to make sure I'm not going off piste too often.  The to-do list itself is from Lollipop which was given to me by one of my best friends who is also an organisation-aholic.  I keep my list on the kitchen table, in sight, so I can tick off as I go along throughout the week. I divide my time into categories; my life-coaching (currently speaking to lots of volunteer clients each week), my wedding planning (currently planning my wedding), exercise (the bit I hate but just need to tick off what I manage to get round to doing so that I can give myself a pat on the back - if it wasn't on the list it wouldn't happen).  Then there's the 'other' category which is everything else - contacting friends, making social plans, buying cards and gifts for people, doing the shopping, cleaning, washing etc etc.

I know from past experience from the dark days (AKA the pre to-do list days) that all the things I needed to get done could so easily end up going onto my mental to-do list for the next day, and then for the next week, and then just never getting done. It's the 'I'll do it tomorrow' feeling that we're all familiar with. 

As I'm spending time each week with volunteer clients and researching plans for my eventual business I'm getting closer to my overall goal of running my own business.  My to-do list keeps me focused, allows me the chance to evaluate where I'm at each week and what steps I need to prioritise.

It's so easy to get overwhelmed with big tasks and this is certainly true of planning a wedding.  As an example, when I first got engaged I wasn't sleeping well as my mind was buzzing with ideas and the sheer massiveness of the task ahead and all the things we'd need to do to make the wedding happen.  After the initial hysteria (good hysteria I mean) eased I was able to sit down and, with the help of an Excel spread sheet, do my master to-do list.  I revert back to this every week or so and see where I'm at and what can go for the wedding to-do list for that week.  I find that if I have a big task in front of me, which has the potential to be overwhelming, the best approach is to break it down, prioritise and have a biro to hand at all times, to tick off as I go.

Boring or not, I wanted to do a little post on my trusty to-do list because it fits in really well with a philosophy I try to live my life by, which is that when we have a goal it's always good to break it down into little goals or steps and as we achieve each little step we are that bit closer to our overall end goal.  Andy Murray puts "be good to yourself" at the top of his to-do list and I'm with him on this one - be good to yourself and celebrate your daily accomplishments, no matter how small, because you so easily could have not bothered to do that task, but you did and that has got you a little closer to your goal.

Self Esteem and TV Screens

I was brought up to believe the glass is half full.  I have lots of memories of my mum singing ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’ to me and my sister as children, which probably accounts for my relatively sunny disposition.  My mum used to talk to us a lot about the power of the mind – mind over matter and all that - so I’ve always had an interest in this kind of thing.

One weekend when I was 14 and well and truly in the awkward phase (braces, pre-GHD frizzy hair, spots) my mum took my sister and I to a wellbeing exhibition at a local sports centre.  At the end of the day we attended a talk by Uri Geller – the man who bends spoons, with his mind…

The talk was based on his book ‘Mind Medicine’ and I found the whole thing fascinating, but something which really resonated with me, which I wanted to share with you, was a technique he spoke about which I’ve used ever since (sadly I’m not talking about the spoon bending, though that would be a great party trick).  The technique I’m referring to involves visualising a TV screen (bear with me) and it has done wonders for my self-esteem and helped give me a confidence boost at times when I’ve needed it most.

I’m going to use a personal account to explain the technique.  I went away to a very theatrical boarding school for sixth form.  I was so excited to go there as I loved drama and was really interested in media as well, which the school was very well known for.  From the first day, I felt that all the other girls at the school were far prettier, more talented and generally far superior to me.  Initially I’d really wanted to get involved with the amazing productions the school put on but my self-esteem wasn’t up to much and the other girls were so incredibly confident that I shied away from it all.  Then in my final year I decided I’d go for it and audition for one of the shows.  This audition involved singing in front of loads of my fellow students in the school theatre and that was petrifying.  It makes me feel slightly nauseous thinking of it now, all these years on.

Uri Geller’s technique was very simple – all you had to do was visualise a giant TV screen and imagine yourself in a given scenario on the screen.  In this case, I imagined the TV screen and visualised myself singing the song I’d prepared.  On the TV screen, I was calm and confident and singing well.  I really focused on how I wanted to feel in that moment. This process not only helped with the nerves but also enabled me to really imagine myself doing something that a year earlier would have filled me with dread.   I did the audition and got in the show and loved it. It was a huge boost to my confidence.  The TV screen has helped me through countless other situations such as first days in a new job, interviews, first dates, confrontations, getting through a gruelling work out (that one doesn’t happen often), meeting new people etc.

I can still remember the sense of empowerment I felt after this talk.  I felt really excited and it was a real ‘light bulb’ moment for me.  It was the feeling that, with the power of my mind, I can achieve anything.  It is the perfect kind of tool for me to use, as I’m a daydreamer with a vivid imagination, so it’s something that really works for me.  In an age where we pick up so many pieces of information and advice on a daily basis, it’s rare, I think, to find something that really stays with you like this.  I’ve used this technique ever since the Uri Geller talk and I really hope that if you’ve got this far reading about it, you’ll give it a go.  There are no limits to what your mind can conjure up and no limits to what you can achieve so get visualising and reap the benefits!

From a total beginner at living in the moment - an experiment in applying Mindfulness.

"The best way to capture moments is to pay attention.  This is how we cultivate mindfulness.  Mindfulness means being awake.  It means knowing what you are doing."             

Steve (my fiancé) drives me round the bend when he plays on his phone whilst we watch TV, watch a film or even when we eat dinner.  But what throws me into even more of a rage is when I realise I’m doing it too.  The only difference is I’m not on Candy Crush, I’m doing important things… like checking Facebook.   

We all work hard and have guilty pleasures which help us unwind of an evening, and I’m not ashamed to admit our guilty pleasure is ‘EastEnders’ (no judgement please) The other day we were “watching” an episode, both of us glued to our phones, and missed the lead up to the good bit and ended up totally lost and having to rewind. It was most annoying as we couldn’t find the right point at which we’d both tuned out and so, from now on, phones are down and we dedicate a full 30 minutes to our guilty pleasure.

Mindful eating is something to try too and as well as enjoying the food a lot more, I find I'm less likely to overeat than when I mindlessly eat whilst doing other things!   I’m all for multi-tasking but when it comes to the those little treats and moments of bliss, like a favourite TV show or a delicious dinner, I think we owe it our full attention and for this reason I now make a conscious effort to apply mindfulness every day.  

Mindfulness has become a bit of a ‘buzzword’ lately and I’ve only really read about it since starting my Life Coaching course and it’s made me realise that since a very young age I have been completely rubbish at living in the moment.  I am a thinker, not so much in an intellectual way, more in a daydreamy kind of way, and I can often be physically present somewhere but be totally in my own world.  In science or maths lessons at school (my worst subjects) I’d often transport myself to my own little world which was much more fun.  I think this developed into quite a bad habit and I’m starting to realise now that I missed out on things simply from not ‘being in the moment.’  

Evidence of this is that my younger sister remembers the tiniest details from family holidays and she’ll occasionally bring up memories she has and I’ll look blankly at her.  It’s not even just the little things I don’t recall, sometimes my family will talk about an area we visited or a day out and nope, nothing.  The reason is that, again, I was in my own little world, most probably thinking about boys!

My two week mindfulness experiment

For one of my life coaching assignments I applied mindfulness to my life for a two week period and I found this really interesting…and hard.  As well as generally trying to be more mindful day to day, I specifically applied it to my walks to work.  I’m lucky enough to have a 15 minute walk to work each day and normally go from A to B on autopilot.  In fact, I often don’t pay any attention at all to my surroundings, just to the constant chatter that goes on in my head…. people I need to get in touch with, what I have to do at work, jobs I need to do and various worries about anything and everything.  During my two week experiment I actually listened to the sounds around me, paid attention to the people I passed, observed nature.  When you look for it, there is so much out there to appreciate that can so easily be lost in the general hectic-ness of life. 

I began to really look forward to my walks to work.  Of course thoughts crept in along the way but when they did, or when they started to build momentum, I brought myself back to the present moment.  As I neared the end of the two weeks I really did feel that this little experiment had had a really positive effect on my wellbeing.   I was making the conscious effort to really savour and appreciate things – the feel of a nice hot bubble bath, the taste of a home cooked meal, the feeling I got having my first sip of Pinot on Friday night and, of course, good old ‘EastEnders’.  For me, all these little moments add up to increased feelings of happiness which can only be a good thing.  The hardest thing is actually remembering to apply mindfulness but when you do you’ll be really glad you did.

By the end of the two weeks I was feeling more positive, calmer and more appreciative of the small things that are actually the big things when you bother to notice them, like my ability to see my surroundings, walk to work and smell the lovely garlic coming from the Italian restaurant on my walk home!

I’m still new to mindfulness and have just scratched the surface in terms of how practicing it can have a positive impact on my daily life.  This, I’m sure, will be the first of a few mindfulness themed blog posts as my knowledge and experience in the area grows.  A couple of books on the topic which I really enjoyed are Mindfulness – apractical guide to finding peace in a frantic world by Mark Williams &Danny Penman and Mindfulness: Be Mindful, Live in the Momentby Gill Hasson

But for now, why not apply some mindfulness to your day and see if it injects just a little bit of extra happiness?  Let me know how you get on... 

Forget giving up chocolate! The important resolutions to make this year…

Firstly, Happy New Year to you anyone who has been kind enough to have a little gander at this blog post...

This time last year a good friend of mine suggested creating a happiness jar for 2014.  I couldn’t find a jar at the time so used this tin which was once full of lovely beauty products!

So, throughout 2014 every time something nice happened, even just a tiny thing (like a lady in M&S liking my perfume) I’d write it down and pop it in my tin.  I also wrote down funny quotes from friends and family which has provided much entertainment as I opened my tin of happiness yesterday.  The point of doing this was to consciously appreciate the little things in life that can so easily pass you by, not just so they can bring a smile to your face at the end of the year, but so you get into the habit of noticing the happiness and humour that happens all the time…if you choose to notice it.

Favourite quote of the year...

I really want to kiss you, but don't want to make you ill. It's like a fat man wanting doughnuts but not being able to have any

Gratitude for 2015

This year, I’m going to do the same but with a new twist.  I’m also going to add things I’m grateful for.  I like to think I’m generally quite a grateful person and don’t often take things for granted but I also think it’s something we are all guilty of.  We can dwell on things we want to change or don’t have and forget to be thankful for the things we do have.  I was going through a bit of a miserable time a few years ago and came across a book called The Tools which spoke about something which I have bored my friends with ever since – The Grateful Flow.   The idea behind it is spending some time each day really thinking and feeling all the things you’re grateful for.  I find the best place for The Grateful Flow is the shower!  I simply think of all the things in my life I’m grateful for and when you get going, it’s hard to stop (hence the flow part) 

I really believe that when you pay attention and appreciate the little things in life that make you smile, you enjoy life more, rather than going about your day stuck in your own head trapped by your own thoughts and worries – we’ve all been there!  I place the same importance on gratitude.  As soon as you are actively grateful, on a daily basis, for all the good in your life, there is room for more good to come in.  Oprah Winfrey (one of my favourites) keeps a Gratitude Journal and here’s what she has to say about it.  It’s worth a watch - Oprah's Gratitude Journal.

In 2013 I gave up crisps for my new year's resolution (lasted as long as June)  and I have to say my resolution of starting my happiness jar in 2014 was far more enjoyable than the crisp deprivation of 2013.  So how about joining me in starting a jar (or tin) of happiness & gratitude for 2015?  A new year’s resolution you may actually enjoy!